One More Time
by Clemmentine
Summary: Sequel to "Just a Sigh" Angel's POV & the meeting. R&R please


Title: One More Time

Author: LauraM

AN: This is a sequel to "Just a Sigh." People requested more....God knows why? Hey that rhymed. I'm a poet and didn't even know it. Anyways...I think this will be the last of these stories. I don't have a knack for writing human Angel ones. I'm more evil. It's so sad :'( -and- this isn't beta'd and I'm real lazy-like today, so if you see errors just pretend that they weren't there.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: ....pshit.....

Pairing: B/A of course

It's funny to me that still, two years after I left Sunnydale, my love, my home; I still thought of it every single day of my un-life. You'd think that when you actually leave a place, you're *LEAVING* it behind; starting a new life, heading forward. But I'm stuck right where I was when I left, except human, and a thousand times unhappier. It's silly...something I've dreamed of my whole life, and it's a waste without the person I wanted to share it with. 

I want to go back to Buffy, but this stupid pride I've always had is keeping me here, in hell, with Cordelia. The pretending is almost sickening to me; pretending I love this person whom my only love has always despised. Maybe that's why I do it, flirt with Cordelia. Maybe I'm just trying to stay in touch with some sort of the Buffy I left behind. I know, I'm morbid.

So I could call her, and tell her I'm human now; but imagining what she would say scares me every time I start to pick up the phone. I'm pretty sure she'd either be really hurt, or just really, really mad at me. I'm sure it's the combination of the two. She couldn't possibly want me after all this time, after what I did to her. I knew she wouldn't actually try for a normal life; believe me, I know Buffy. But would she forgive me for being so blind? Would she want to try at this one more time? That slight bit of hope almost overtakes the pride; but no. I won't call her. Not tonight. But when?

And that's when it happened. By some holy miracle; by some grace of some God, Buffy called me. I felt her on the other end of the phone as soon as I heard that brilliant ring. I hesitated for a moment and then picked it up, eager to hear my beloved's voice, a whisper, even a hollow sigh would do. Anything to know that she's okay, and that she'll be okay. 

It was awkward, like I knew it was, and I stupidly blurted out my humanity to her. I don't think she believed me, but why would she? I had never even mentioned the possibility to her. After I told her, I knew I needed to be in Sunnydale. I'd leave right then, Cordelia bitching and all. I dropped everything and ran to my car, hands fumbling with the keys as the anticipation of seeing Buffy again consumed me. But what was I expecting? For her to take me back, with open arms? Humanity and all? Would she even want me as human? That's sick...of course she would. But still, I wonder...

The drive was shorter than I expected it to be; and when I pulled up to the familiar house on Revello drive my heart was beating a million times a minute. I could have fainted right then and there with the anxiety eating me alive, and it would have been wonderful. Anywhere Buffy is would feel wonderful. And then my brain started doing little topsy turnsies in my head. Should I run up to the door, into the house and sweep Buffy off of her feet? ....She might kill me for that....

Should I knock on the door, and act all polite; act like I wasn't craving to touch her, feel her, taste her, be with her? I didn't know what she expected...I couldn't decide what I expected! 

I ended up knocking and handing her a wild flower I'd picked out of the neighbor's lawn. It was 4:20 in the morning...and that flower was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my whole life and un-life combined when I saw Buffy raise it up to her perfect little nostrils and smell it.

The smile that we shared seemed to last forever, until finally she moved aside, and motioned for me to enter. I stopped a few steps in to look around at how different the house was. Was this Buffy that was standing before me just as different as this foreign/familiar house? She looked so different from the young woman I left a few years ago; her eyes carried excess baggage, like she hadn't been sleeping in months. If she felt anything like I've been feeling for her, maybe she hadn't.

She was thinner than I remembered too. And her hair...those beautiful golden locks were shortened, more mature looking almost. I found it very appealing and commented on it. 

"You really like it? I didn't at first...bit of a shock. Just something I had to get used to. You know? Didn't want to let it go. It was kind of a comforting thing I guess; and then *POOF* goodbye comfort, hello loneliness."

"Yeah...I know how that is."

"Good." She remarked wryly.

"Buffy..."

"HUMAN?!" oh god... "Angel, how could you not have told me? YOU'RE HUMAN!!! W-what? Are you *still* not good enough for me? Can you *still* not take me out into the sunlight?" And then she spoke those next hurtful words so quietly I had to strain my human ears to hear her; and afterwards I wished I hadn't.

"Do you not want me?"

"Oh Buffy....more than anything. You just, you don't under-"

"I don't understand! I don't understand!? Angel!! How could I *NOT* understand? You're granted this almighty reward; something that could have guaranteed us both lots and lots and LOTS of happiness, and you didn't tell *ME!* How long has this been? A week? A month? Two damn years? Angel? Tell me!"

There's tears on her beautiful cheeks, and I can feel her pain reverberating into my soul. I move into wipe them away and she steps back; and with that rigid step I can feel my heart break into a million pieces all over again.

"Buffy, I didn't know. I didn't know how you would feel, how your life was now, if you'd even want me back. I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I was scared, Buffy. I was just so..."

A small sob escapes her mouth as she tells me of course she still wants me. I'm all she's ever wanted; and I'm a jack-ass for not knowing that. But hey, I already knew that.

When I move in to wipe her tears again she doesn't move away, she moves in. And then her hand is on my face, copying the motions on my face that I'm doing to hers. I didn't even know I was crying; but of course I was. How could I not be?

" I love you." I whisper.

" I love you too." She says.

"Wanna start over? One more time?" I ask

She looks up at me nodding her head, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Be my girl again?"

"Always..."


End file.
